Yellowstone River as seen from the lower Yellowstone Falls, Yellowstone National Park, USA
My pulse was 31 bpm as I staggered through the emergency room door. Dizzy, shaking and delirious, I looked about me, the ER was packed, full of brokenness, full of beauty. Humanity in a raw form, beautiful people made in the image and likeness of God, but terribly broken, but cared for and loved.
Sickness, removes our veneer and exposes our vulnerability. It is a humbling process. I had never truly been sick before. In my mind, when I became sick, I knew I would find comfort in my relationship with our Lord, which I did, but in a way I did not expect.
My heart felt broke, I searched for breath, my mind wandered and I could hardly pray. I felt like I was struggling to hold on to life. Comfort in prayer was not possible and as looked up to our Lord I realized what I could do, I could be a light in the darkness. I could love my neighbor. Love is an act of will, given by the grace of God, to love the other, as other.
So I directed my will from my sickness, which I could not control, toward loving those doctors, nurses, caregivers and friends that were accompanying me. In doing so, I did find comfort, the comfort that only God, the one that is love itself, can give.
While I was sick my mind often wandered to our Lord and what he must have felt during his passion but it also wandered to the first chapter of the book of Luke. A young, peasant girl, with her dreams and plans, suddenly encounters the reality that God’s plan for her life is different than she expected. With tremendous faith Mary responds with her fiat, “May it be done to me according to your word.” All peace and freedom lies in that statement.
Notice; however, what the mother of our Lord does next, she goes to the aid of her older kinswoman who is about to give birth. Mary loves. Living faith is to trust in God’s providence and then work with the situation you have been given, in love.
I am out of the hospital now and feeling fine. Thanks be to God! I have learned from this experience and hope these words might be of help to others.